Wondering how to support the breast cancer sufferer in your life as they fight the disease? Here are some small but thoughtful ways you can help.
It’s Breast Cancer Awareness month! For some of us, that’s the time when we see pink ribbons, our favourite brands come out with new pink versions of their stuff.
But for others, it’s a reminder of a life-changing event, or someone they love, or a struggle. Not everyone is seeing the world through a pink filter right now. If you have someone in your life who’s struggling with breast cancer, you know this all too well.
So how do you support the person in your life who’s fighting this disease? Here are some ways you can make their days better, ease their pain, and be there when they need support.
Be There… Not Just In Words
Saying “let me know if you need anything” is great. But the truth is, most people aren’t going to. It’s not that they wouldn’t appreciate the help… But cancer takes away more than just your physical strength. It takes away your independence, and holding tight to the “I’m fine” mentality can help sufferers hold onto a small bit of independence.
But don’t just leave them hanging, either. When it comes to cancer, words can help, but actions are what truly matter.
Don’t think that asking what you can do is enough. Most people are so distracted with the prospect of treatment that they won’t even know how to answer, and if they can think of something, many don’t actually like to ask.
Instead, consider ways in which you could actually be helpful. Quietly helping them with their everyday activities without intruding is the best way to actually “be there.”
- Make them and their family meals (ask first so you can avoid awkward moments and dangerous ingredients).
- Arrange to fetch their kids from school and take them to sports (best if the kids know you fairly well!).
- Organise a cleaning service to come in and clean the house (or do it yourself, “I’m free on Tuesday, why don’t I help you clean?)
- Offer to go with them to a doctor’s appointment (don’t just do this without checking, though!)
Choose Your Words Carefully
You don’t need to suddenly stop being yourself around your friends or family if you don’t usually have a filter. But you should be aware that your words may be felt differently at this particular point in the person’s life.
The truth is, not everyone wants your opinion. What they want is good medical advice from their oncologist, and support from their family and friends. It can be tricky to straddle the line between advice and support, but err on the side of caution.
Things not to bring up:
- Treatment options
- How horrible cancer is
- How it could have been prevented
- What your cousin/uncle/friend did when they had cancer
- That he/she is going to be fiiiine
- To stay positive
- How rare it is for men
What to do instead:
- Listen when they talk
- Ask what their thoughts are
- Offer advice IF they ask
Just Be Normal
There’s truly no need to be different around your friend or family member. They’re still themselves… And sometimes being “the person with cancer” can really ruin their day.
Go for coffee. Invite them for lunch. Ask if they want to join you when you shop for shoes… All the normal things you would do if they weren’t sick.
Respect if they say no, but if they do join you, these moments are not the ones to talk about their cancer. Sure, ask them how they’re feeling and if they bring it up, listen and chat. But don’t go straight to cancer as the topic of discussion.
Get Online
There are resources for those with loved ones suffering from breast cancer too. They usually offer advice, educational resources, and support for those whose loved ones are sick.
If you want to learn more about how to support someone with breast cancer, it’s a great idea to call a helpline, chat to others on an online forum, or join groups with people just like you.
This will give you your own support system to lean on while you support your loved one through this experience. It can help make you a better support for them during this time… Knowledge is power!
They’re also loaded with practical advice and ideas, but remember—you know your person best. Not everything will work for them, so pick, choose, and adapt ideas to truly make a difference in your person’s life.
Surprise Them With a Beauty Box!
A Beauty Box is a lovely way to tell someone you’re thinking about them and give them something they can pamper themselves with a bit.
Okay, so a Beauty Box isn’t all you can give them. If it’s a friend or family member suffering from breast cancer, chances are you know them fairly well. Make their day by sending them a little surprise that you know they’ll love.
It could be flowers, it could be a Starbucks coffee, or it could be a voucher for a massage or a manicure/pedicure. Just something small can make a big difference to the breast cancer sufferer in your life.
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